Like so many of my colleagues, I became a Celebrant partly because I was frustrated when attending a funeral service. I felt that so much of the story was left untold, or the person’s name was wrong, or their nature wasn’t captured etc. etc. etc. I knew that saying goodbye, and how we say it, is so important, and that we rightly expect to remember the person we are saying goodbye to in a relevant way.
Since I completed my Diploma training six and a half years ago, so many new companies have jumped on the celebrant training bandwagon, and time and time again I hear the most awful stories about services that were wooden, repetitive, that the Celebrant regularly uses a cut and paste type of service. None of us deserves that. We all deserve to have a goodbye that is appropriate for us, unique to us, and gives those who love us comfort, along with the knowledge that they have given us the best send-off possible.
So, what makes a good Celebrant? A lot of things! People often approach me after a service, and say they are thinking of becoming a Celebrant and yet they have no idea at all what is involved. I try to be as honest as I can, which is what I am going to be now!...
Before I begin my list though you have to train, and when I say train, I mean use a reputable provider who will ensure that you are ready to support your families from the moment you complete your training. I trained with Civil Ceremonies, and Anne and her team have been incredible. I highly recommend them, and I am undertaking my level four Diploma with them at the moment. (One of the things that really impresses me, is that Anne talks to every person who applies to attend one of her courses, and regularly turns people away who she feels would not make a good Celebrant. She would expect them to have all of the following…).
First on the list is People Skills. Without these, then you really won’t be any good! I meet people from all walks of life, at one of the worst times in their life. They can be angry, distraught, shell-shocked, or any one of a long list of emotions that grief inflicts.
Each of these people need to be supported differently. This isn’t something you can learn on a course, it is something you learn from your own life experiences. Of course, there is support within your training, but if you aren’t able to walk into a room, not knowing how many people will be there, how they will react to the difficult task of preparing a service, or even what the state of the room will be like (and believe you me, I have been in every different type of room - from the dirtiest to the cleanest – almost new, to literally falling down), then this isn’t the job for you.
Following on from this, you need bucket loads of Empathy and Understanding. However, having those alone is not enough, you need to know how it is appropriate to use them to support your families.
You can add Patience in here too. And, again, you may have it, but knowing when to be patient and when to move things along is really important too.
Time Management also features highly. The nature of a funeral service, is that it usually takes place two to three weeks after the death. This means that as a Celebrant you have to be able to juggle your diary, and your time. You need to book in a meeting with the family, and allow time for it (it could take two to three hours, sometimes it may run to four). Then comes script writing, contacting the Funeral Director to keep them in the loop, and messaging or emailing the family to do the same. You may need to phone or message other contributors or the venue. You need to plan in time for amendments to the script, printing and rehearsal time, travel time, delivering the service and being there for the family afterwards.
Now comes another really important one, which is Words. You have to have an excellent understanding of the English Language. It isn’t enough to be able to write - you need to be able to tell a story, capture a feeling, describe a time or place. There is so much more to it than just writing, and within that you need to be able to spell and punctuate accurately too.
History comes next. You need to have a good understanding of what has happened in the last hundred years – the things that will have affected people’s lives. A knowledge of how to research family history is also important, as you can often use this to help you when writing a script (with the family’s permission). Knowing how to search for more information is important too – you can spend a lot of time finding out details that help to bring someone’s story to life.
A Knowledge of Music and Poetry is very important. A family will look to you for advice and suggestions, or will just give you a line or two from a song or poem, and you need to be able to work out which piece it comes from. The training helps with this, but you will need to have an insight into both.
It goes without saying that Public Speaking will be on my list. You have to be able to speak in public, with or without a microphone. You need to be clear, be able to project your voice – whilst not shouting – and be able to read and pronounce difficult words (sometimes in another language). People should remember what you said, but not who you were. That is not easy to achieve by any long chalk!
I would like to say ‘and finally’ but there is really so much more that I can add, however, Event Management is my final one. You need to be able to event manage. You don’t always have a Funeral Director there (the family could arrange the funeral themselves, or it could be a memorial service you are delivering in a village hall), so you need to be able to juggle everything to ensure that it runs smoothly. This is in the planning in advance, and being able to cope with whatever the day throws at you. You never know what you might have to deal with, and you always need to have a back-up plan – you can’t go to pieces, your family are relying on you. If you can’t gently ‘herd sheep’ then this isn’t right for you!
I would say that it is important to consider you and your work life balance too. Celebrancy is a fickle fiend. You can’t rely on your income, as work comes in peaks and troughs. If you are allergic to animals, then visiting homes where there are pets won’t work. If you aren’t happy accepting (and drinking) a cup of tea in a chipped mug that might have only been rinsed under the tap, then think again. If visiting families at the weekends or in the evenings isn’t an option, or you struggle with technology, or like to take long holidays or often catch a cold, then Celebrancy isn’t right for you. (We don’t get holiday or sick pay, and colds affect our voices, which means we can’t deliver a service).
You really need all of the things that I have talked about, because without them, you are not going to be able to support a family, and create a unique and meaningful service for their loved one, and you certainly won’t be able to deliver it in a fitting way.
Being a Funeral Celebrant is an absolute honour, but there is so much more to the role than standing in front of an audience, telling a story.
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